David McLean

We get to keep the shirts!

You can spot stock images immediately. They’re vaguely out of place, even in the most well-intentioned application.

I just opened to the table of contents of a respected trade publication that I follow for our clients—and generally enjoy—and I was struck by the cost-conscious, but utterly uninspiring use of conceptual images that are now on sale on Internet stock image sites for as little as $1. You can tell.

If I see one more pair of empty Adirondack chairs aimed toward an azure shoreline, I’ll cancel my airline mileage credit card.

Now that stock photo clearing houses have driven the cost of people’s art down to minimum wage, there are bound to be plenty of hungry photographers right around the corner who will compose something GOOD for a modest fee.

All this came to mind today as our client, Ink Photography Production, launched their Twitter account. Their tagline: Making the World Safe for Original Photography. Check out their online Phink Magazine!

The biggest mistake in most press releases I read, whether while editing or as a recipient, is the buried lede. Note, in news writing, we use the term “lede” to mean the “leading idea of the release.” Newspaper people spell it that way to distinguish it from “lead,” as in the space between lines of type…all this is very “old-school,” of course. But the idea of not burying the lede is, today, every bit as valid as tagging your blog.

Here’s the kind of self-serving press release lede I see way too often:

ACME Framis, a global leader in framis innovation and process improvement, is excited to announce a new joint venture with leading widget broker, Widgtech…yeah, yeah, yeah…

The problem here is two-fold. Nobody knows either of these two “leaders” and it’s not news.

Most newsrooms don't have time to dig for buried or non-existent ledes.

Often, we read three, four, eight paragraphs down and find bona fide news—buried at the bottom—something that a reporter or editor actually needs! Too bad the release was deleted before the lede was read.

When you write a release, pretend you’re pitching it to the most impatient and surly person you know (that gets you in the journalism zone). Get to the fact of the matter, the information that makes your release “news,” in the FIRST sentence.

If you can’t find it, you probably don’t need to send a press release.

Save the part about being a “leader in the industry” for the boiler plate copy at the very end.

Remember magazines? I worked at an ad agency that had a huge library of all the magazines that covered our clients’ various industries. Since we were based in High Point, NC, we did a fair amount of home furnishings work, so there were mostly home magazines…we call them “shelter books.”

It was actually considered a night out with my wife to go to the office and let her borrow an armful of Traditional Home, Metropolitan Living, Architectural Digest, Country Living and whatever short-lived niche magazines a publisher was printing. And they smelled so good! All that rich ink on glossy paper.

Lately, I’ve been walking to the public library once a week to catch up on periodicals. The experience of hoofing it a half mile to a public space and trolling down an Ikea-like shelf of magazines is therapeutic in itself. It’s fun to actually snatch up the eye candy covers of Fast Company, Inc and Forbes instead of wearing my eyes out nibbling on Web versions of the same.

I’ve had one Western healthcare provider and two Eastern healthcare providers tell me to get off my computer more. So check that off my wellness to-do list.

But it also jogs my business mind to come at information from the hardcopy perspective for a change.

For starters, you don’t look for some very specific minutia in a finite set of search terms that you load into a search window. You look for content categories. I think of it like looking for flavors of information. Fast Company has one flavor of information, Harvard Business Review has another. And this is just the business magazines. When it comes to The New Yorker, I have no patience whatsoever to read that online.

You take what the editor gives you. What the editor gives me might not be anything that was on my mind at the moment. But maybe it turns a light bulb on in my head. So I take a seat next to a guy in his best interview suit looking at want ads and read good old fashioned printed paper.

That’s all. No huge revelations.

But what hardcopy offers that is different from the Internet, bodes consideration. The Web isn’t “better” than print. It’s different. The process of using hardcopy informs me differently than reading a link someone forces on me in an e-mail.

Magazines, newspapers and brochures are down now, but they’ll come back in a big way once readers and advertisers rethink their habits, as we always do.

Co-authors Dan and Chip Heath have re-released their book, Made to Stick and in this month’s Fast Company offer up some helpful advice on slogans and the people who can’t seem to avoid writing them.

According to the Heaths some sloganeers are in denial. Those are the ones who say they write “tag lines.” Think black t-shirt, sport coat and hair combed in the shape of a flame. Well, that’s not really fair. I myself, in my frumpy white button-downs, have fallen into the slogan trap from time to time.

Basically, their point is that slogans don’t win trust and don’t position a product as effectively as telling a story does. They’re clever and catchy, but cute slogans inherently make us wonder what’s really behind them.

It’s not that slogans should never be used, say the Heaths. For a major consumer product, with very little difference from its competitor, a slogan gives and emotional reason to affiliate with the brand. But for most other marketing, they suggest being more descriptive.

It’s always nice to feel validated by thought leaders like the authors of Made to Stick, so I’ll show one example of a King’s English client who successfully told his story by repeating the same headline—Forget everything you thought you knew about building a custom home—in every ad.

Otey Construction weathered a very down housing year by clearly positioning itself as the custom builder who did things differently. While spec homes in upscale communities languished on the market, Otey custom home sales were fairly steady.

The United States Post Office perfected the process, the means, the business model—the art?—of moving a number ten business envelope around the world. More power to them. We still need to send pieces of paper folded three times.

But I send a lot more electronic information than paper. It seems like the USPS would have been wise to think with a wider imagination. Is the Post Office “about” transferring information? Or is it about passing notes in envelopes…with lots of restrictions and guidelines to comply with machinery?

Is King’s English in the business of making pieces of paper that salespeople can hand to prospects? No, we’re in the business of words, pictures and ideas that promote products and services.

With all due respect to the mail carriers, the printers, the magazines and the television stations, my job is to transfer information on behalf of clients, not support the supply chain.

The day before yesterday, I suggested that a university event hire body-painted dancers—painted with ad messages—to board the local free bus student bus service to promote the happening. This week I’m going to suggest that a home furnishings brand end-run the home magazines and write their own glossy “shelter book” online.

My Edward Jones man says “now’s a great time for people with cash to buy stock!” Yep. Then there’s the advertising cliché that, to be honest, I don’t know if I can fully endorse, that says your advertising buys more share-of-voice in a down economy than an up economy. I’m not convinced that this has ever been proven. And with new media, there is something very old-school about that old saw.

HOWEVER, if you have cash for marketing, now is a good time to buy SMART advertising messages. Right now, the “smart messages” are as much about the medium as the message. Look for creativity not just in the words and pictures but in the ideas for how to be there when your prospects want you.

Who knows, maybe we’ll suggest an old fashioned letter.

My client wrote the book on uncertainty. Actually, he co-wrote it. Relax, It’s Only Uncertainty (Hodgson & White, 2001) is a research-based proposition that suggests uncertain times are rich with opportunity for creative thinkers and that “ambiguity leadership” is one merit badge we all need to earn.

For me it’s a tidy prelude to 2009 that inspires me to re-make and remodel (as Bryan Ferry of Roxy Music might say).

Content is king. Long live the content.

For our public relations clients, we’re recommending at least a 50/50 split of emphasis between traditional media and Internet-based media. Our King’s English business model used to look like a Mercedes-Benz logo with equal thirds advertising, public relations and Internet. Now, it’s not that clean, because the Internet is more a medium than a discipline and all of what we do needs to work on the Web, PR especially.

Traditional print and broadcast publications for the most part have Web versions, but we have to look deeper and broader than that. A public relations program needs to reach blogs, Craigs List, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, etc. Remember, too, that your audience, like you, isn’t getting any younger. This will be an old list by the time you read it!

With all due respect to the grand old tradition of glossy magazines, you can’t Google search the Southern Living print edition. When prospects are looking for something that you sell, they’re typing in generic descriptions and clicking on the top Google responses. But you know this already.

The new message to our PR clients is: self-publish. Blog technology enables you to create your OWN glossy magazine. However, don’t assume you can just pump out your usual brochure copy or traditional Web site content.

If you’re going to self-publish and you want any readership, you have to achieve some level of:
1) Engaging writing—on the Web, you have to balance the consumer demand for fast facts with style. Online content is the easiest message to share and if your message is easy to read and entertaining it’s more likely to get pass-along readership.
2) Objectivity—consumers are jaded, especially Web consumers. While you don’t have to write good things about your competitors, you should avoid blatant sales pitches. And the more you can support your proposition with links and examples, the better.
3) Value—your content has to have value in and of itself. Your readers need to learn something or get a new idea from your content.

On the precipice of 2009, here’s what I see: a media opportunity that is more or less free and wide open to you and all of your competitors BUT the point of difference is your content

One caveat: we STILL NEED THE OLD PRINT MEDIA. What self-publishing and some lesser online properties lack is third-party credibility. Better Homes and Gardens, for example, has a big editorial staff in Des Moines, whose job it is to make sure they don’t print lame information and those are still the kinds of media you want to be seen in. So you should keep half of your PR emphasis on the traditional media to build credibility for your brand.

Mad Dogs and Englishmen, the famously creative New York advertising agency, closed shop in 2005, but I’ll always salute a company that finds its brand in a Noel Coward song. (Thanks to Bob Downe via YouTube!)

Of course Joe Cocker had a similar idea with his 1970 album by the same name.

The other day I was checking the expression “Dutch uncle,” since I used it in my November 19 entry. I was delighted to find a photo and art licensing agency in London named Dutch Uncle. What a cool name! And their blog is a great source of inspiration for innovative and fun graphics.

Ahem. King’s English has served my firm pretty well too. In 1994, I decided that I wasn’t going to join the alphabet soup of Name & Associates. Some might have thought King’s English to be a little arrogant, but I think it’s both “in-your-face” and self-deprecating, in an Oscar Wilde sort of ironic way. I don’t generally wink, but there’s an implied nudge in the name, I promise you. People remember it and we get a positive comment a month. The occasional Brit likes to remind me that it’s currently the Queen’s English, but I plan to survive into the coming monarchy and Queen’s English sounds a little bit like a swishy billiard parlor.

Naming companies doesn’t have to be a stodgy experience. And if you want my opinion, I don’t think it ever really has to be so.

Expressions make great brand names because they have poetic emotion built right in. Of course, the dangers are they can become dated, be overly cute and sometimes they’re just not a good match. In our case, with a name like King’s English, we had better not split any infinitives. Then again, our company motto, from Shakespeare is “Here will be an old abusing of God’s patience and the King’s English.” That’s our excuse for typos. What is advertising if not a playful bending or otherwise abuse of the language?

At the end of the day, I can attest to the power of an expression as a brand. I’m convinced our name has moved us to the top of agency reviews and I know that people remember it. In fact, people sometimes call me David English. I prefer King David.

So when you’re naming a new company, consider looking beyond the “Ronco”s and “K-Tel”s. Get out your Bartlett’s and find some panache.

If you need help, contact me.

What should “savvy” marketers being doing in this going-down-the-drain economy? I’m not sure I know any “savvy” marketers, but, my Chinese qigong master says, “be happy and get outside a lot.”

Photograph taken in 1882 by Napoleon Sarony. Courtesy Wikipedia.

So I took his advice about being happy and instead of going outside I read a little from The Picture of Dorian Gray, because I’ve decided it’s time I finally read it. And this is what I decided: things are so uncertain that it’s anyone’s guess whether it’s a good time to buy print ads or direct mail or do nothing.

What I DO know is that there are some inexpensive Web based strategies that make sense. I know that public relations is probably still a good value because people still think editorial copy is more genuine than advertising messages. And I have a hunch that looking for new customers who are likely to need what you have regardless of cost is a good idea.

That’s why King’s English is hawking “content,” now. Blogs are essentially free and currently they represent one of the best ways to put yourself in front of a Googling audience. We’re pitching this to homebuilders, art lovers, executive coaches and, as of today, rabbis.

The idea is, while blogs are easy and inexpensive to set up, keeping them fresh is a chore and a lot of people either don’t have time to write and they’re terrible writers.

So, in keeping with the 100th Monkey Magazine ethos, we are in an exciting time for marketing. Any minute now ninety-nine monkeys are going to do the same thing. Then, watch out! There will be a new trend in marketing that has some record of success in a recession.

Photo courtesy Wikipedia.

Toro, John Deer and Lawnboy hate me. Mrs. Dave and I live on two acres in a zoning-averse village, because we can pretty much do what we want with our lawn. And what we want is lots of trees, ground cover and butterfly-enticing weeds. I mow meandering paths with a 15-year-old rider to comply with the town ordinance about mowing. We have enough trees and shrubs that I could do it naked and nobody would care. We like nature and dislike internal combustion.

So I was looking for some inspiration about public relations in a down economy and I came across this oh-so-corporate press release from Lawn Doctor. Evidently, the good doctor is as brilliant with direct mail as fescue.

From the company’s press release:
Leading Lawn Care Service Provider Modernizes Landscape of Marketing; Lawn Doctor uses research savvy to stretch advertising budget, reach niche customers

HOLMDEL, N.J., Nov. 10 /PRNewswire/ — U.S. companies are predicted to spend $176.9 billion on direct marketing in 2008, but with a sluggish economy, advertising executives are forced to make increasingly slashed budgets prove their worth. So how does a 41-year-old company efficiently use its advertising budget to reach target audiences?

Lawn Doctor, the nation’s leading expert and most recognized brand in the lawn care service industry, has created an award-winning direct marketing program which has been recognized by the Turf and Ornamental Communicators Association (TOCA) for “Best Direct Mail Campaign” and it was ranked fourteenth in earned media value by ClickZ among Fortune 500 companies. A combination of leadership, marketing and growth also lead to Lawn Doctor being ranked tenth among leading industry publication Lawn & Landscape’s Top 100.

The program… was designed to hone Lawn Doctor’s marketing strategies and tactics to resemble those of a Fortune 100 company, executed in a nimble way befitting a small to mid-sized company…

And so on…

So Lawn Doctor is telling the world how we’ve all been duped by their marketing. Talk about meta data. And so nimble!

Really, do we care? Okay, in fairness to some genuinely earnest professionals, they want to milk every opportunity for “earned media” through press releases. And I’ve probably done similarly self-congratulatory pap, myself, sometime in my career.

But in this economy, I can’t recommend that a client spend over $1000 on PR Newswire to thump their chest about being “savvy” about reaching “savvy” customers.

Granted a publication like Advertising Age or Lawn and Landscape might eat this up. And maybe they should, because that’s what they cover. But you can e-mail a news release to those two editors for free.

Wouldn’t it be better to tout the ways you’re leading Americans to choose more Earth-friendly lawn care options? Or, how to manage your property so it needs less lawn care? How about a press release on water conservation through drought resistant lawns?

Give people reasons to TRUST you.

With this press missive, Lawn Doctor’s target audience must be that newly designated demographic, “Louis XVers.” You’ll recall it was that French monarch who quipped, “After me, the deluge.”

Photo by Paula McLean. Used by permission.

You can hardly throw a stone in the gentrified bungalow neighborhoods surrounding downtown without beaning a psychologist who does some kind of business consulting, coaching, facilitating, research or writing. This place is almost like the Silicon Valley of leadership development and executive education.

Our little firm—King’s English—has invested in a fair amount of 360s, coaching and group education over the past 14 years. And we’ve had some fun being the marketing counsel and publicists for a number of clients in the field.

I’m a buff. I’m fascinated by these “secret agents” of change, jetting off to Mysore or Amsterdam for a seminar or to rescue a derailed executive. Their work is at the same time cerebral and practical, no-bullshit and reverent, corporate and humanistic. I read the trade magazines, comb the Internet and spin the stories to get by-lined articles and case studies and interviews placed for our executive education clients.

The practice of public relations is significantly different in 2008 from what it was in 2004, even, 2007. “New media” has reached critical mass and now it’s more important to simply produce content and self-publish as it is to craft old school press releases for the fickle eye of hard copy editors.

Right now, it’s like a “shorter route to China.” If the magazines aren’t writing about you enough, just hang a masthead and start your own little Paris Match.

Thus was born Hundredth Monkey Magazine.

Our goal is to be a magnet for people looking for new ideas in executive education and leadership development. We’ll do this with off-the-cuff commentary, self-deprecating humor, satire, bona fide journalism and overall casual dialog about innovation, self-improvement, strategy and breakthroughs.

We’re PG-13, or maybe more like late night cable. We’re “indy,” we’re the punk rock of leadership. So if you have a rant, let it rip.

When we reach 5,000 unique visitors per month, I’ll hit you up for advertising. Meanwhile, here’s my group, Sin Tax, playing our theme song: One-hundredth Monkey